‘’The weird thing is, my boobs fluctuate.’’

Cameron Diaz realizes she might be a bit too old for Justin.

Photo Coutesy of cinema com rapadura

Photos courtesy of The Superficial

No way I’m gonna ignore the way Lindsay Lohan showed up recently to the Social Hollywood opening. She looked like a f*cking whore who accidently found this white jacket in the trash while searching for a cig butt.

And what’s with the lipstick? It’s so goddamn repulsive. It looks like she was putting it on with one hand while jerking someone off with the other.

Again and again she makes these cheap public appearances. I’m beginning to think she enjoys being laughed at. Here we see the classic ‘’cell and cigarettes'’ look. She is actually holding a hand bag in her other hand, so why not put these items in it? Why would you wanna make the world know you have no class?

Black nail polish. On her toes. I have nothing more to say.

Photo courtesy of Tiscali.

Mike Tyson gives me the creeps, but that’s no reason to ignore him on his 40th birthday. So what if the guy was convicted of rape, spent 3 years in the slammer and bit a guy’s effing ear? Did you know this dog has 7 kids? I mean, 7 he acknowledges. Here are some cute quotes: ‘’I want to be a missionary’’, ‘’ In this country nothing good is going to come of me. People put me so high’’.

Photo courtesy of Jdubrecords
 

You can like or dislike this Matisyahu thing. You know, he’s got this whole Hassidic look going on and his lyrics sometimes sound as if they were written by Tom Cruise, but at least he’s no phony like Maddona and her so called Kabbala lifestyle. Anywho, he’s 27 years old today, so mazal tof, or whatever. I wonder how he makes his voice sound so NOT Jewish. I think there’s a market for that.

Photo courtesy of Dlisted

OK, I’ve had it. Someone has to put an end to this fiasco. It’s about time miss Britney “once a slut, always a slut” Spears would get rid of whoever the hell’s in charge of her PR, and start all over again. They may have done a great job at start, I mean, it’s the only way we can explain how a trashy blond who sounds more like starting a car every time she opens her mouth and less like a singer, could actually beat both Christina and Jessica, which sing better and look better than Brit at any given day.

But no more. You’re losing points every day, girl, and those people who were supposed to stand behind you and give you some guiding hints, had somehow disappeared and were replaced by aliens who know nothing about public relations.

Lucky for you, I’m here to give you some advice:

1. If you want people to like you, don’t steal a guy from his pregnant girlfriend and marry him.
2. If you do steal a guy, make sure his resume includes more than just “A Dancer” and “A Bum”.
3. You married the guy and decided to have a baby? And then another one? Don’t go whining to Matt Lauer about it, he ain’t your therapist!!! And neither are we!
4. News flash: a blonde who dyes her hair black deos NOT become smarter. It’s called “Artificial Intelligence”. Next time, make sure you actually look good in it. Take a hint from Paris Hilton – it didn’t work too well for her either.
5. Before you decide to pose nude and pregnant on the cover of “Harper’s Bazaar” Magazine, please make sure your name is Demi Moore. If not – DON’T DO IT!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and make sure no one is driving a car while Sean Preston is sitting on her lap.

Photo courtsey of Time

Photo courtesy of AP

When Paris Hilton says her overused engine is hot over you, you know you’re qualified to be regular functioning male. German soccer player, Lukas Podolski, is the new member of the ‘’Paris would skank me’’ international club, according to The Sun.

Paris developed an interest in Podolski after seeing him score so wonderfully at the World Cup tournament. She said she thinks he’s ‘’magical’’. Podolski, we all wish to say: Man, you’re fucked! Congratulations!

It’s Gopher time! Ex-congressman/ Yeoman-Purser Fred Grandy is celebrating his 58th birthday today. Sure, he’s a Republican, but a goodhearted one. Oh, how he was always tricking Captain Stubing. I wonder if during meetings the Congressjerks would look at him and say: ‘’Hey Grandy, do Gopher’’.

Photo courtesy of Breezip

Richard Lewis is also having a B-day today, this time it’s his 59th. I really think his looks hot for his age, but he should do something about his hair, it kinda’ looks like roadkill. And he should drop his comedy act, too. Humor is for losers, silence is sexy.
Photo Courtesy of Richard Lewis Online

Photo courtesy of Club Paris

“I hate dead people'’ (Paris Hilton)

The skank is all pro life.

Photo courtesy of People

Angelina Jolie proved she’s a spoiled, inconsiderate brat when she refused to dress the Namibian princess Shiloh in baby clothes bought by Brad Pitt’s parents.

According to The Sun, Bill and Jane Pitt purchased some pinkish, fluffish baby girl clothes for their granddaughter, but mother Angie said she will not dress her child in such things.

A source quoted claims Jolie doesn’t like girlie outfits, and wont have her kids dressed up like dolls. She thanked Brad’s folks for their gift but said she’s not willing to use it. The source added she wasn’t aware of how much this offended the Pitts.

If you ask me, this hag is going through some serious post partum depression. She needs someone to balance her happy hormones and fast. I hope Brad acted like a man and gave her a shiner.

It’s also pretty obvious Angelina doesn’t want Shiloh to dress up nicely ’cause she might threaten her status as the ‘’prettiest girl in the house’’. That’s why she only lets her wear empty, greasy DORITOS bags. And this woman claims to be a world wide protector of children.

My advice to Bill and Jane Pitt is this:

1. File a complaint to the national child protection authority.
2. Steal a memory card containing pictures of Angelina’s post-birth saggy gut.
3. Nourish a loving relationship with Jennifer Aniston.