Benji Madden is soooooo in love with Paris Hilton, that he even wrote her a love song. Geez. Paris told People: “He surprised me with it. It’s called, ‘Shine Your Light.’ It’s this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me.”

Shine Your Light? Sounds like he’s asking her for a lighter, so he could light up his farts. I guess this song’s lyrics go something like this: “Oh, Paris/ I been in da back o’you, I been in da front/ Even still, you know what I want/ Shine your light, bitch”.

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A pregnant teen should not have to carry all of this crap alone. Doesn’t Jamie Lynn Spears have slave-dwarfs or somehing?

Nothing like a good time at the spa with your strap on partner/ BFF, right Linds?

I love seeing Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson together, cause they really remind me of girls from high school. The slutty drunk and the boyish lezbo were always my favorite couple.

Here is Ronson showing the paps which finger she used on Lindsay the other night. Still moist.

Way to go, Sam. As if your little friend there does not owe her fame almost entirely to those people who chase you two around. Those pics are paying your bills, baby.

Photos courtesy of Just Jared

Larger than life, I would say.

I hate girls like Jessica Alba. She doesn’t care if she’s fat as a whale for a few months, cause she knows she’ll be back to her normal-mega hot self in a week or so. She has everything she needs to lose that weight: time, money, genetics and a history of eating disorders.

I wish Jessica and Cash Warren name their child Esteban, but I have a feeling they’ll go for something like Cash Jr. At least they won’t go for the usual celebrity crap like Barlow, Apricot and all that shit.

So Vanity Fair features what seems to be a topless Miley Cyrus covering herself with a sheet. No need to worry, parents. 15 is the new 24, so Miley is not really a kid, and neither are your 15-year-olds. 

I was wondering what took her so long. I mean, it was only a matter of time until Miley started showing some skin, and this is just the beginning. A year from now she’ll be doing “artistic” remake-photoshoots of naked film legends. That always works.

Pics via Just Jared

Amy Winehouse was released from police custody this morning, after she was cautioned for “common assault”. Basically, she gave this dude a headbutting and punched another dude in the face. Rough bitch.

She arrived voluntarily at the Holborn police station yesterday. A doctor determined that she was in no state for an interview (too high to even state her name, I guess), so she was kept there overnight. The cops released her today, and stated that “A 24-year-old woman today received a caution for common assault and has been released from custody.” Hmmm.

The assault took place on Wednesday, when all Winehouse-hell broke loose. I wish I was hit by Amy Winehouse too. That’s almost like being on a reality show. 

Pic via Dlisted

I have nothing interesting to add on that subject.

When Jamie Lynn Spears announced that she was pregnant at 16, everyone pretty much flipped. No one understood how she takes it so light-headedly. I understand now. Jamie Lynn didn’t know what giving birth was. She thought she would just wake up in the morning and the baby would be lying inside a cabbage, all covered with gummy bears.

Star mag reports that after realizing what child birth really is, Jamie Lynn got terrified and started to vomit:

“Lynne was trying to be helpful,” a source tells Star. “She wanted to show Jamie Lynn what a woman goes through giving birth, that it’s a natural and beautiful thing, but all Jamie Lynn saw was the blood, or ‘goop,’ as she called it, the screaming and the pain. It was too graphic for her. She flipped out and literally got sick.”

Yea, well, wait until she discovers the doctor will need to cut her coochie, and put gummy bears in it!

Uhm, well, she really LIKES animals, anyway.

Megan told Paw Print mag about her passion for animals, and even did a photoshoot with her pets, Tanner the fox, Rosh the Bengal cat, Bowie the parrot and the pig that bears many names, such as Notorious P.I.G or Piggie Stardust. She has tons of other animals living with her. One of them is Brian Austin Green.

It’s probably hard for the animals to share Megan’s hotness between all of them. I couldn’t decide which one is luckier to be near her, so I left it up to youz guyz.

I am so loving Mariah Carrey’s look righ there. It totally says: “slut, but reads the right fashion mags”. Say what you will about Mimi, but she’s a skank with style, unlike most I know.

Those high wasted shorts look like shorts that have sex with a jeans purse. It would be blasphemy on any other girl, but Mariah can work it. The cross is also super hot. Mimi is my personal Jesus.

I hate the guy who keeps blocking the veiw. Why ruin the perfect shot? Such a shame.

Pics via I’m Not Obsessed