(I’m just saying…)

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to the horse.

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I don’t know how it’s possible to live in a world where Sarah McLachlan looks hotter in a bikini than Britney Spears but that McLachlan… she’s building a mystery.

Here she is vacationing on a Hawaiian beach; apparently she just split with Ashwin Sood, her husband of 11 years, and apart from making sandcastles with her two kids, she seems to be showing the potential dating pool what a Canadian MILF looks like.

And I hope her next husband is a rich one, because let’s face it, no matter how good she looks at 40, she needs one. The last time she had a hit record you were in Junior High.

Jennifer Butler Murphy, after 11 years of marriage and 4 kids, has just filed for divorced from Bill Murphy alleging among other things, infidelity, drug and alcohol abuse, and domestic violence.

I don’t normally condone domestic violence, unless of course Butler also happened to be Murphy’s agent and was responsible for him taking Operation Dumbo Drop and the two Garfield movies, in which case he should have beat her within an inch of her life.

Another reason Murphy might want her dead, and the divorce filing does allege actual threats were made, is because Jennifer Butler has a prenup, that stipulates a lump sum payment of $7 million dollars. Now I’m no lawyer, but if he was also beating her that $7 million figure might end up being just a starting off point.

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And somehow this being Clay Aiken, it actually makes him seem even more gay.

The lucky lady, who yes actually does have a vagina is Jaymes Foster a 50-year-old record producer and apparent Clay’s best friend. But not in a “best friend & lover” type way; it seems Foster was artificially inseminated because even for the miracle of life, Gay-ken won’t come within a ten foot pole of a flesh and blood woman. He will take an active role in the child’s life, which is sort of nice… I guess.

It’s just kind of sad that a pretty middle age woman like Foster has to resort to a sexless relationship with a gay guy half her age in order to have a child.

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Well it’s taken about a year; but George Clooney has finally split with Las Vegas waitress Sarah Larson. And it’s none to soon; she’s already 29 which is like 62 in trophy bitch years.

Anyway, if Larson was a Batman Super Villain she’d probably be called The Biter, for reasons exhibited from this 2005 screen grab of her playfully biting the bottom of former Ultimate Fighting model Amber Girl. But I’d like to believe their split had more to do with Sarah finding that nipple-icous picture of The Gay Batman.

Seriously, because for Larson to let Clooney out of her grasp for any other reason without prenup free nuptials is a major gold digger faux pas.
Oh well… I guess Chris O’Donnell is still available.

Remember little Ruthie Camden from 7th Heaven? It looks like Mackenzie Rosman is all grown up and ladies hide your daughters.

The now 18-year-old is seen here sucking lesbian face in this several months old candid photo.

And here we see the preacher’s daughter doing her best Mary Magdalene impression. Maybe that expression “they grow up so fast” should be amended to read, “they grow up so easy.”

Anyway, no word yet who the other girl in the photo is, or why Mackenzie Rosman is posing in nothing but her bra and panties but needless to say, when 7th Heaven does have it’s inevitable reunion show, it looks like Mary Camden has been replaced as the show’s resident bad girl.

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I’m not saying former Saved by the Bell hottie Mario Lopez is gay BUT…

When an attractive woman like Dancing with the Stars’ Karina Smirnoff has her top come loose, the correct hetro response probably isn’t cowering in fear.

Still Mario shouldn’t feel bad, as his publicist will continue to schedule more photo ops dates until he can finally butch up enough to stare that nipple down. Just image it’s Mr. Belding topless, Mario… like when the two of you used to play “detention”.

And don’t think I don’t know about Screech either. The only bush you were ever interested in was his nerdy Jew-fro.

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Was Kobe Bryant knocking sneakers with a Lakers cheerleader?

The Dirty.com is reporting that The Lakers cheerleader Vanessa Curry, has just parted ways with the team during the playoffs to pursue an exciting career in “hosting”. Right, because why would she want to be part of the best team in the NBA when she could be seating people at the Olive Garden.

Anyway, the rumor is that the Bryant had an affair with the 18-year-old Laker Girl, possibly in a situation involving the back of the Dolce in Dallas, and The Lakers got rid of her to cover it up.

Personally I don’t think this rumor is going to pan out because while Kobe Bryant is known to have fidelity problems, consensual sex just isn’t his style.

It’s one of the greatest mysteries of this still young century, how the Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohans of the world can’t be bothered to put on panties walking down the street; yet at the same time it’s getting increasingly difficult for Hugh Hefner to pay someone even remotely famous to take them off for Playboy.

Case in point: Ashley Harkleroad, an obscure tennis player who’s neither especially successful or especially attractive. Harkleroad, the 61 ranked woman in the world, most recently lost in the first round of the French Open, then announced she had posed naked for the August edition of Playboy. Here she explains why:

“I thought, ‘well I’m not really doing anything,’ so I considered it and it was something that I wanted to do…”

Clearly that expression “don’t quit your day job” doesn’t apply to Harkleroad. A blind kid in a wheelchair could lose in the first round of the French Open, that shit doesn’t take skill. I guess we’ll have to wait until August to find out if she’s any better in her second career.

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