When a show has aired 419 episodes like The Simpsons, you figure every possible story has been told, but I’m fairly sure the episode where the girls drop trow Hustler style is a new angle. In fact I think we’re looking at several new angle here. 

Way I figure, Marge posed in an attempt to spice up the marriage with Homer, Lisa because all the Peta kids were doing it, and Ms. Krabappel, well we all know that bitch would do anything to try to get a man to notice her.

Anyway, I snapped these cigarette lighters around the corner from my house before leaving with a Ms. Krabappel… because home girl rolls like that.    

I don’t know why everyone thinks “Goddamn, I love nigger cock” is racist, now if Dolly Parton had said “Goddamn, I hate nigger cock”, that would have been racist.

Never the less, singer/songwriter/flotation device Dolly Parton has her big blond wig up in a bunch because on a bit last week Howard Stern had on his radio show, where he spliced up audio of Dolly reading from “Dolly: My Life and Other Unfinished Business” so it exposed her dark, filthy thoughts.

Anyway, Dolly says she’s “completely devastated” by the bit, because Kenny Rogers called her after it aired and the part about how he “loved to piss inside little boy’s ass holes” turned out to be completely correct.

Anyway, because I’m having some problem with embedding at the moment, you can check out the complete audio of Dolly Parton’s reprehensible tirade here.

Seriously, what the hell is that woman holding? When I go to the pool, I just take sunblock, but I have to admit, that’s probably ten times better at releasing the tension than a dip in the jacuzzi.

But you can be sure what that woman is looking at isn’t Kate Hudson’s face. Because while her ass might be cute, how can I say this… you know those girls who are so pretty they don’t even have to wear makeup?

Kate Hudson isn’t one of them.

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Great, so I had this dis when I was going to go there’s nothing to say about Lily’s breasts that she hasn’t said herself, then quote that song that goes “You’re not big, you’re not special” only when I looked it up, turns out the actual lyrics are “Not big, not clever”.

Shit. I paid $9.99 for that CD; whatever happened to the customer is always right?

Anyway, the Cannes Film Festival which doesn’t actually start until next week. Guess that explains why she isn’t dressed yet.

Allen’s body would actually look pretty decent if she just did something about the hideous bleach job… do French hairdressers still use a guillotine?

Uncensored Lily Allen topless picture via

How can you show your ass if you don’t have one?

(P.S. - Apple is not a suitable name for a child, try again.)

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So apparently to spice up their relationship for their one year anniversary, Kim Kardashian decided to make boyfriend Reggie Bush a sexy calendar of herself. How do I know all this? Because she posted the entire thing on here website here.

Only because Kim had a little (okay big) cellulite problem she first decided to have a non surgical procedure done that stimulates the blood circulation and minimizes her cellulite. How do I know all this? Because she plugged the cellulite removal place, Velashape, on her website and showed the entire procedure on her E! reality show, which you can see the video of here.

Now I know what your thinking, posting an online calender and plugging a laser treatment doesn’t sound like a very intimate gift, but when she literally released a sex tape of her being intimate with her last boyfriend… well trust me, this really is Kim showing restraint. (more…)

SJP is like an evil genius, of course she knows that head of cabbage she’s calling a hat is the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen in your life; the point is it’s fugly powers distract you from noticing that the world premiere for the Sex in The City movie was held in London and not NYC.

Anyway, the outfit is the fault work of Alexander McQueen, a British designer infamous for such stunts as entitling a collection “Highland Rape” and the time he carved double amputee Aimee Mullins wood legs so she could strut the catwalk.

But don’t tell that last part to Sarah J. - you just know it would end with her wearing a wooden leg on her head.

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Forget Megan Fox, the only Hollywood starlet I would go lesbo for is that hot bitch Kim Possible. She’d dump Ron Stoppable’s ass and we’d blow out of Middleton, spending the rest of our days hunting down all the frenemies from middle school who promised they’d invite me to their birthday party, then totally didn’t.    

Unfortunately, my dike revenge fantasy is exactly that and since her self titled Disney series got canceled in 2007, my gal crush has fallen on hard times. There was that TV reality show where she moved in with Bonnie Rockwaller, a series of ill recieved rom-coms with matthew mcconaughey, and finally a disastrous botox procedure performed by a physician named Dr. Drakken.

Deformed, with her mouth permanently stuck in a half smile, the sitch got so bad that now the only work Kim Possible can get is doing naked photo shoots, or starring in sex comics where true to her name, anything really is possible.   

Anyway, you can see the rest of the Kim Possible naked photo shoot at ToonFamiles.net, but I’m warning you, the site seemed really spammy.  

I don’t care if 90210 is back in vogue thanks to the new series on the CW this Fall, the fact that David Silver gets to go home to this every night makes me want to slit my wrists. What your looking at is Megan Fox completely topless save for two little flesh colored pasties, on the set of her latest “Jennifer’s Body”.

Anyway, while the film sounds like a Courtney Love song; it’s actually based on the work of another ex-stripper, Juno scribe Diablo Cody and is about a cheerleader who specializes in offing her male classmates. Of course it is.

The bottom line is they might as well call it “Jerking Off in Your Parent’s Bathroom” because that’s what every 12-year-old male is going to be doing after they see the movie.

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I don’t know why I’m doing this to my eyes, but I just watched a clip the 2007 movie Closing The Ring where Mischa Barton was topless, reinforcing the theory that Cottage Cheese-Gate, i.e. that some paparazzi added cellulite to pictures of Mischa Barton, is a ludicrous joke.

In the 54 second clip, while Barton’s breasts are on full display, her legs and ass have about as much coverage as a nun in snowstorm, leading me to believe that director Richard Attenborough knew about Mischa’s cellulite problem and would just assume you didn’t.

You can judge for yourself, with the not-safe-for-work mischa barton topless in closing the ring clip here. (more…)