So it looks like Sarah Silverman, who’s career at this point is making viral videos pretending to cheat on her boyfriend, finally realized that without that boyfriend she doesn’t have a career and got back together with Jimmy Kimmel.

The two were spotted over the weekend holding hands outside a Thai  bar in Hollywood and while their publicist claims “they remain close friends”, the only people who hold hands are couples in love or five-years-olds trying to cross the street.

They’re a cute enough couple, so it’s nice to see their 5 year relationship rekindled but all I could focus on when I saw this picture is the iPod looking thing hovering above Sarah head.

What the hell is that?

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Okay, I know Samantha Ronson in a bikini might not exactly make your mouth water, but when you consider the competition is K.D. Lange and that 12-year-old boy Cynthia Nixon is currently dating, Sam is like the Jessica Alba of celebrity butches.

And this just in, pink is the new flannel!

Seriously, the only thing more shocking than Sam Ro showing a little skin is that she did it in the most Fem color imaginable.

Not so shocking: Even as Lohan and Ronson continue to deny they’ve admitted they’re a couple (oddly different than denying being a couple), they take a romantic vacation together in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

At this point them actually coming out would be belaboring the obvious, and as Clay Aiken on the cover of People proved that’s just insulting our intelligence.
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In the annals of celebrity mugshots, well this is an instant classic.

Heather Locklear was just arrested over the weekend on a Santa Barba highway first for driving erratically, then just for stopping in her tracks blocking a lane. She tested negative for alcohol, but crazy eyes was obviously high on something.

Maybe it’s just residual damage from Melrose Place - all that hairspray has to be like the equivalent of 6 years of sniffing glue. At the very least co-star Jack Wagner created the O-Zone layer.

Anyway, Locklear may still be charged but curiously she was released from jail without having to pay bail. Most be all those police connections from T.J. Hooker.

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If Miley Cyrus’ Sweet sixteen birthday party, where 5,000 of her fans are paying $250 to attend her birthday party at Disneyland October 5th wasn’t exclusive enought already, now gay people are being excluded.

New details have emerged about the corporate stunt, and apparently Disneyland will be shut down at 5pm to the public on the day of her party. While that might not initially appear to be a slight to gay people, the weekend of October 5-7 is well known for being “Gay Days” at Disneyland, an unofficial Disneyland event where tens of thousands of people from the gay community congregate on the amusement park.

Disneyland can handle something like 82,000 total customers in any given day, do they really need to shut it down for one kid’s party?

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Just remember, Barack Obama has actually admitted to using cocaine.

I just point that out because video footage of Sarah Palin competing in the 1984 Miss Alaska Pageant has finally hit the internet; and she looks so unpresidential competing in the swimsuit competition, wearing white high heels with her ass sticking out, that it’s important to remember that she’s not the only candidate this November with embarrassing baby photos in their past.

Of course no pictures of Obama using cocaine actually exist, while these pictures will probably set feminism back 25 years,but give her a break - contestant number 8 was trying to pay for college. 

Check it out for yourself in the accompanying video here.  (more…)

A slight exaggeration, but not by much.

After receiving death threats from Islamic Extremists, Paul McCartney bolstered his security team for his historic concert in Tel Aviv Israel early tonight to 5,000 people. To put that in perspective, only 40,000 people even attended the concert, which I guess is 35,000 when you subtract people on Paul’s payroll.

Don’t get me wrong, if your a Beatle and someone’s making a threat on your life, history dictates you should take that seriously but McCartney way over reacted with the security team for one simple reason. Suicide bombers are almost always dirt poor, yet you can’t kill Paul unless you get into the concert and the cheapest ticket cost $147 with the prices rising all the way to $1,377 a piece.

(A figure that balloons to $2,754 if you bring a jihadist date.)

The basic point being - if you can actually afford tickets to a Paul McCartney concert, you still probably have something to live for.

I don’t know why the National Enquirer is just now revealing that Brad Hanson is the man Sarah Palin had an affair with when I’ve said they knew it 3 weeks ago, but they’ve finally gone to press with the story and no less than three Alaskans have confirmed it.

The most convincing of which is Jim Burdett. The ” former brother-in-law of Hanson’s estranged wife Carolyn’s brother Craig Batton” if you can follow all that, Burdett actually passed a polygraph test in relaying this information:

“I’ve known about Brad having had an affair for a long time, but it wasn’t until just recently that I learned his affair was with Sarah Palin,” Burdett told The NATIONAL ENQUIRER.

“Sarah was elected mayor of Wasilla, Brad became a city council member in the nearby town of Palmer, and they started an affair.

“Todd found out about the affair and was so mad he broke up their partnership at the snowmobile dealership,” Burdett claimed.

Here’s what another source had to say, and while they wanted their name kept confidential, this was still provided in the form of a sworn affidavit:

“Todd was away on business a lot and Sarah felt lonely. Brad was a good listener, and Sarah talked to him at length. Eventually, she real­ized she was falling in love with him,” one insider divulged.

“When Todd got back from one of his trips, Sarah told him that she had begun to have feelings for Brad.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t really care who Sarah Palin does or doesn’t sleep with, but when she swears she never cheated on her husband, and clearly did, well it makes you wonder what else she’s lying about.

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So it must be a slow week because People Magazine is trying to claim in their upcoming issue that Clay Aiken being gay is actually news.

If Clay Aiken had even seen a vagina in his life that’s what would have been news.

Still, I applaud for his belated honestly though I question his timing. He could have been a gay celebrity, instead he’s just a gay has-been.

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Not because she looks bad or anything, but because she makes me want to become a bulimic.

Jessica Alba had a baby three months ago, but as you can see here from her weekend vacation in Los Cabos, Mexico - her stomach still looks as flat as an ironing board.

Compare that with me, who just got on a scale and offspring free still weighs the most I ever have in my life, and you’ll understand why I want to blow my brains out.

Celebrity genetics - I F-ing hate it.

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It seems even after the press fell for Miley Cyrus dying a week ago, the same hoax worked again with Oprah Winfrey.

4chan.org - the same message board responsible for the Cyrus prank picked up by major news organizations stuck again Saturday, claiming Oprah had just died in her home.

The way they did it was doctor a web page to make it look like it was from the BBC and while it was pretty sloppy, Oprah Winfrey is 54 not 49 for instance, but it was enough to get picked up on Digg.com with several other people from the 4chan message board chiming in, commenting that they had seen Oprah is dead stories on their local news.

The story was briefly incorporated on Oprah’s Wikipedia site but moderators quickly took it down and the Oprah was dead story was never picked up by any major news organization, like Yahoo! News that had fallen for the Miley Cyrus hoax a week earlier.

Proving that you can only cry wolf so many times, even to sheep as dumb as the media.

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