Okay, so apparently professional train wreck Aubrey O’Day was trying to stretch out her 15 minutes by performing topless in the Vegas cock tease “Peepshow” but got freaked out when someone in the audience took this picture of her opening night and leaked it on web.

Now of course Aubrey was outraged about this… but not for the reason you might think.

Explaining herself on YouTube (sorry I can’t embed it), O’Day insists that she’s way hotter than that photo, and strips down to a pink see thru bra to prove it; insisting this is what she looks like without makeup and all natural, despite the fact that she’s clearly wearing makeup and that “nature” fake boob job was already outed in Playboy.

Why can’t this whore just learn to plead the fifth? It’s like if someone claimed she had a coked out of her mind threesome, Aubery would post a sober spit roasting just to prove her point.

Aubery’s big message in her video is to be comfortable with who you are but I don’t know… isn’t there a way to be comfortable with who you are without taking your top off every two seconds?

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Beyonce has always maintained that Jay-Z was her first boyfriend, but in related news Britney Spears was still claiming to be a virgin after having two kids.

The actual first guy to reach into Beyonce’s size bootylicious panties was then teenager Lyndell Locke. A Houston area native who now makes a living as a cook, Lyndell has finally gone public, but not wanting to cross Matthew Knowles, who seems to have some sort of scary hold on everyone Beyonce has ever met, Locke isn’t too forthcoming with the details.

Here’s what he does say about his relationship with Beyonce:

“SG: Glad to hear that. How did you meet Beyonce?

LL: We were very young in our teens. From the same area in Houston. We knew each other a long time. We were very close and very good friends. (silence)

SG: Ok, Define friends.

LL: (laughs) We would go out together, I would take her to the movies or we would eat out. Normal things teenage kids do. It was “puppy” love.

SG: So you were in love with Beyonce?

LL: Love is a strong word for a teenage relationship but we were very close and I cared ALOT about her. I still do.”

Lyndell goes on to give an official “no comment” on whether or not Beyonce ever had sex, but is pretty insistent that to the best of his knowledge, Beyonce never had an abortion. Locke says he’s not still in contact with Beyonce and that the relationship ended because her record label put him in a box to the left.

By that logic, I think Beyonce may have also dated Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams. Is there anyone Beyonce hasn’t discarded in the name of her career?
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The great thing about being a little kid is you can get away with shit adults would be put in jail for, if they tried it.

Here’s an adorable little girl, totally getting to second base with Selena Gomez. Apparently, the girl’s 15-year old sister got a chance to meet Selena in New York City, and when it was little sis’s turn for a photo, she got a little extra friendly.

Selena, who’s not really a singer, is in the process of promoting her upcoming first album, Kiss & Tell. I’m not saying letting fans feel her up is a good way to sell albums, but the economy being what it is, that’s not the worst idea I’ve ever heard.

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Some people just look better with clothes on, than they do naked. Like Anna Friel for instance, shown above in a recent performance of the play, Breakfast at Tiffany’s now being restaged in London. Anna was absolutely adorable in the recently canceled Pushing Daisies, but strip her of her clothing, and the otherwise attractive Friel looks as flat as an ironing board.

It’s what I call Julia Roberts syndrome, when certain actresses with a million dollar smiles just don’t have the body to match. You know how Julia Roberts used a body double in Pretty Woman? It wasn’t because of modesty, she just knew better than to parade her flab in a movie that she’s supposed to be sexy.

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Is there nothing celebrities won’t do in the name of charity? Actually, I don’t think Teri Hatcher intended to show off her hedge trimming abilities, the slight oops pic of Hatcher’s hatch was just an unintended side effect of changing in the middle of a charity triathlon she was participating in. Teri was raising money for - oh right, you don’t really care.

Let’s get to the real point, how hot does Teri look! At 44, she’s aging twenty million times better than her Lois & Clark costar Dean Cain, who’s face is starting to look like microwaved jello. Have you seen a picture of him lately; Christopher Reeve exercised more and that guy was glued to a wheelchair.

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So apparently the paparazzi took a peak between Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen’s legs, caught a glimpse of her panties, and now there’s a bunch of moral outrage that people are actually circulating the pictures like it’s some sort of voyeuristic kiddie porn.

This is what crosses the line with the 16-year-old Taylor Momsen, really? She prances around NYC getting drunk at underage parties, dressing like Deborah Harry’s illegitimate prostitute daughter, and just generally lives a life that only Lindsay Lohan would find age appropriate, yet a picture where she’s showing less skin than Miley Cyrus or Selena Gomez do at the beach is what’s finally sexualizing her?

Please. Look, the picture is creepy but no more creepy than we as a society allowing the bottom feeding paparazzi to start stalking these children the second they’re weaned off their mother’s tits. Even if Momsen turns out to be a world class whore, and we all know she’s more likely to graduate rehab than high school, lets at least give her the benefit of the doubt until she’s legal and leave her alone.

In the meantime, there are plenty over 18 skanks for you degenerate fucks to cream your pants over.

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For all you animal lovers, here’s an item about a bitch. Oh, and there’s a dog in the story too.

Jessica Simpson has just posted on Twitter how her beloved dog Daisy has been snatched by a coyote and is begging the dog be returned… because clearly coyotes can read. Here’s her exact Tweet:

“My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!”

I love the “I miss my mommy…” part, like a missing pet poster is just another opportunity for a shitty lolcat. And that findingmissdaisy g-mail address is so cute, I could just slit my wrists.

It’s like she doesn’t even care if her coyote chew toy is dead or not, Jessica just wants us to feel sorry for her, and try to grab some headlines in an attempt to revive her completely dead career. You think that human wind tunnel is capable of empathy? She’s about as capable of normal human emotions, as sister Ashlee is capable of singing in key.

If they haven’t started casting that new L Word as a reality show project Showtime is working on, I’m totally nominating this gal. Her name is Justin Bieber and apparently she’s an up and coming 15-year-old singer signed to Usher’s label. You remember Usher, right? He’s the once famous granny effer who married a hair stylist 8 years older than him then fell off the face of the earth.

Anyway, appearances aside, Justin is actually supposed to be a boy which got to me to thinking; the L Word was constantly trying to expand the boundaries of gender identity - how great would it be if they cast a guy who looks like a girl on the new show? You wouldn’t watch it all season long trying to figure out which chick is really a dude?

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Okay, you can’t actually tell from the angle of this photograph, but Kim Kardashian’s ass is disappearing faster than the O-Zone layer… in Kristie Alley’s mouth. See while Kim’s bread and butter is her boobs and buttocks, she recently signed an endorsement deal with the not FDA approved weight loss drug Quick Trim, and needed to show some weight loss, regardless of the fact it doesn’t make her look anymore attractive.

And don’t get me wrong, while no one would mistake Kim Kardashian as a role model, Kim endorsing a potentially dangerous weight loss drug, seems about as responsible as 50 Cent trying to market an official G-Unit brand crack. Plus, the Aubrey O’Day look is just skanky on her… which considering Kim’s most famous for starring in a sex tape is saying a lot.

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