Is Tila Tequila too good for this world, or too bad?

Fame whore Tila Tequila went on Twitter a couple of days ago and was threatening to kill herself, even going to far as to create #tilacommitsuicide and #TilaDONTKillYourself as trending topics, and saying crazy shit like how God has given up on us, the devil is trying to hunt her down, and how the world is going to end in 2012.

And that’s in between reciting bad poetry and posting naked pictures of herself. Seriously… I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Anyway, when she finally calmed down, Tila wanted to assure people that she’s not nuts; voices are just telling her it’s time to move on to a higher plane of existence:

“It woulda been tonite I ended my life, but my friend caught me and stopped me. So I told him I will give him two more weeks. No one can stop me… I am not depressed or unhappy! My life is amazing! Its not about that tho! Like i said, god spoke to me and told me i am needed up there.”

So here’s my question for you: do you even think it’s possible for someone like Tila Tequila to go to heaven?

This is a compulsive commandment breaker who used to be in a gang, set the gay rights movement back 20 years with her fake bisexual game show, lied about her ex-boyfriend assaulting her; and just generally leaves behind a trail of STDs like they’re gingerbread crumbs.

If they let Tila Tequila into heaven, who are they keeping out?

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Admit it, if this is what your wife looked like, you’d cheat on her too.

Yeah maybe everything about Letterman’s wife Regina Lasko screams comfortable shoes and abstinence, but even if she should have seen this coming Dave did her ten times worse. I mean have you seen the women he was two timing Lasko with? It’s one thing if he was fooling around with models and actresses, but apparently Letterman even prefers frumpy looking college students to his own wife.

Take Holly Hester for instance. An intern who had a one year relationship with Dave right around the time Bill Clinton was doing the same (he’s not funny, but at least Leno’s isn’t a hypocrite); Hester doesn’t look bad for 43, but remember she was still in college when these pictures with Late Night staff members were taken!

It’s like she found the reverse Fountain of Youth… I didn’t think it was possible for someone still in a training bra to look like a soccer mom, but you’ve got to believe that growing up Holly Hester pulled it off.

Next up is Stephanie Birkitt, David Letterman’s longtime assistant who was apparently bumping uglies with Dave’s gap teeth back in the late 90s. She is also the ex-girlfriend who’s other ex-boyfriend, Robert Halderman was trying to blackmail Dave for $2 million dollars.

Stephenie’s the type who’s always wearing a sweatshirt two sizes too big and snorts a little when she laughs at her own jokes. Again not horrible, but is that who Letterman wanted to risk a relationship he’s had since 1989 over?

This guy doesn’t want trophy wives, he wants condolence prizes.

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Even before she was famous, Megan Fox’s job was erecting phallic looking objects. Apparently, much like that stuttering twerp from Arrested Development, Megan worked in a Banana Stand:

 ”I only had one job growing up. I worked at a smoothie cafe,” the actress, 23, tells Nylon magazine. “I used to have to dress up as a banana.

“I had the option of apple or banana,” Fox goes on. “I always went with banana because it was thinner.”

She was too skinny to fit into an apple costume? Sounds like traumatic childhood. For someone who’s obsessed with the fear that she’ll kill herself like Marilyn Monroe did, Megan Fox still seems annoyingly perfect. For the sake of my self esteem, will someone please give this bitch at least one real problem?

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