Whenever you hear someone say that motherhood is a beautiful thing, that’s not what they literally mean. What they literally mean is after spending 9 months gaining 50 pounds, you just had a speeding tractor trailer bulldoze out of your body through a mouse sized hole, and the fact that you can still conduct yourself in anything other than a state of constant bitterness, and still vaguely resemble the woman who men were still attracted to 9 months early, means you’re holding up pretty well.

I bring this up because Jessica Alba just shut a promotional calendar for Capari and let’s just say the Invisible Woman is visible by a couple more sizes.

Seriously, if Jessica Alba’s career is based on her looks, and let’s face it; it’s not like Good Luck Chuck or The Love Guru is going to be winning her any Oscars, I have no idea why she would jeopardize her movie star figure for something even couples starving to death in Africa can still manage to do. You want to know why Meryl Streep is the only actress over 50 who still is a box office draw? It’s not because woman are less talented than men; it’s because men don’t get pregnant and have to deal with their bodies becoming shriviled and bloated all at the time.

Jessica’s career tract just changed from “It Girl” to most likely to need Britney Spears levels of Photoshop - why would she want to do that to herself at age 27?

Via